milky town

Русские частушки, переведённые на английский

По реке плывет топор
Из села Чугуева,
Hу и пусть себе плывет
Железяка х@ева…

Down the river drifts an axe
From the town of Byron.
Let it float by itself-
Fucking piece of iron!!!

Я лежала с Коленькой
Cовершенно голенькой,
Потому что для красы
Я сняла с себя трусы.

I was sleeping with my honey
Absоlutely naked,
I have taken my panties off
Just to make a statement.

Рыбка плавает в томате,
Ей в томате хорошо,
Только я, едрена матерь,
Места в жизни не нашел.

Fish in thick tomato sauce
Swims in happy comatose
Only me, pathetic wimp
Have no fucking place to swim.

С неба звездочка упала
Прямо милому в штаны,
Пусть горит там, что попало,
Лишь бы не было войны.

Starlet’s fallen from the heavens
Right into my boyfriend»s briefs,
I don»t mind his roasted penis
If it helps us live in peace.

Меня девки с собой звали,
А я с ними не пошел —
Пиджачишко на мне рваный
И х@ишко небольшой.

Girls have called me to the party
I decided not to come,
It»s because my clothes are ugly
And my dick is a tiny one.

Время сдвинулось на час —
Суета на глобусе.
Раньше х@й вставал в кровати,
А теперь в автобусе.

Time has shifted for an hour —
What a mess on globe
Dick was hard before wakeup,
Now it»s up at work.

Как на ели, на верх@шке
Соловей еб#л кукушку
Так и слышно наверх@
Чирик-пи@дык х@як ку-ку!

In a tree a duck got stuck
Noble eagle fucked that duck
You can hear branches crack
Sqeaky-dick and fucky-quack!

Как у нашего Мирона
На х@ю сидит ворона
Как ворона запоёт -
У Мирона х@й встаёт

Guy Miron shows such a trick:
Crow is sitting on his dick
And as soon as starts to croak -
Has he boner on his cock

Мы с Иваном Ильичом
Работали на дизеле.
Он мудак и я мудак,
У нас дизель спи@дили.

Old Ivan Ilyich and I
Used to work at a CI
He’s a fuckhead, so am I
Someone’s filched our CI.

Хорошо тому живется,
Кто с молочницей живет.
Молочко он попивает
И молочницу е@ет.

You are fine if you are steadfast
In relations with milkmaid.
You get wholesome milky breakfast
And occasionally laid.

По деревне шел Иван,
Был мороз трескучий.
У Ивана х@й стоял,
Так, на всякий случай

Nick is crossing village slowly —
Outside it is cold and snowy.
But his dick is up and running
Just in case if something’s coming.

Девки спорили на даче
У кого пи@да лохмаче.
Оказалось, что лохмаче
У самой хозяйки дачи.

Girls had a fight at country hut
Over who got hairiest cunt.
Well, more hair of the most
Had the beaver of the host.

Ты вчера была моя,
А сегодня Мишкина.
х@й у Мишки, как сосна
На картине Шишкина.

You were mine the other day,
Mike is screwing you today.
He’s got cock as thick as trees
On the Shishkin’s masterpiece.

На горе четыре х@я
Танцевали краковяк
Один х@й другого х@я
X@ем по х@ю х@як.

Have you seen four dicks together
Dancing on a mountain peak?
And one dick had fucked another
But with yet another dick.

Не ходите, девки, замуж
Ничего хорошего
Утром встанешь — сиськи набок
И пи@да взъерошена.

My advice to future bride:
Don’t get married, silly!
Morning comes — your boobs aside,
Snatch is rumpled illy.

Сидит Коля у ворот
И не пляшет, не поет.
Он сидит ни бэ, ни мэ —
Одна eб@я на уме

Nick is sitting at the door,
Neither dancing, singing nor,
He is sitting, deaf and dumb,
Thinking only «Whom to hump?’

Со стола упало блюдце
Самовар качается
На столе когда eб@тся —
Шумно получается

Coffee pot’s a bit unstable
Dishes fall around
Fucking on a little table
Makes a lot of sound

По деревне мы идём
Всем подарки раздаём
Кому сына, кому дочь
Чтобы Родине помочь

Two of us — me and my buddy
Giving gifts to everybody
You get daughter, you get son
Patriotic duty’s done

Говорит старуха деду:
«Я в Америку поеду!»
«Ах ты, старая пи@да»
Туда ж не ходят поезда!»

Wife is telling her old man:
«Book me U.S. fare!»
«Stupid cunt! Don’t think you can —
Trains aren’t going there!»

Я сосала давеча
У Степана Саввича
Он на вид холёненький
А на вкус солёненький

I was in a horny mood
And I blew Stepan
He is smart and looking good,
Salty on the tongue

Мы спросили у Петрова
Почему на шее провод
А Петров не отвечает
Только ботами качает

Kids are asking uncle Peck:
Why’s there wire on your neck?
Uncle has no words to spare
Swinging calmly in the air.

Story of nothing.

… A very wide and huge field, it’s so big that you can see more than two kilometers away, and I’m standing on the middle of this land. Suddenly, realize that I am the best live target for a sniper, so I start to pray that no one is around. Walk through high grass and little bushes, the camping bag is heavy for me because of food cans, water bottles and other stuff. Weather today is finally good: just a few clouds above me. I stop next to big green bush to check the map: so NE we have a forest and NW is the hunting view point which is around 320m away. Slowly but then quicker I start to move this “hunting nest” and then: a loud shoot from somewhere! I immediately fall to the ground, right under a bush. Silence. Just heavy silence. I’m fine become this shot wasn’t for me, but for who? And who shot?! The only thing I understand it is can be is a “hunter”, using a 7.62 caliber bullet for a sniper rifle and that it’s means then if I start moving, he will shot me, … or not , but still better to wait here until he goes away. How will I know if he’s gone or not… or, just wait.

***

Fat and fluffy clouds moved slowly like they have been filled with heavy stuff. Some of them start to combine with each other and change from milky white to dark grey. Nature asks for water to remove dust from a trees leaves and to prime the earth. Parasite whose name is “human” are nearly gone, but they do everything they can to avoid extinction. Nature is finally become fully free, it conquer land which been taken from “here”. Wild animals become really wild because there are no more cages, no more barriers, no more a monkey with broomstick (or boom-stick) on top of the food pyramid. “Concrete jungles” become to ruins.

***

I have been laid down under this bush for one hour but all around is quiet as in hearse, even the crows are abnormally silent today … ok, now or never! I slowly crawl toward the forest, with 20 seconds stops to listen for anything around is moving. The first hundred meters were ok but then I noticed the cracking of grass, and I stopped. The noise becomes louder with every second and it means somebody moving forward me. “What am I going to do?” I whispered, all I have is a G17 (hand gun) with two magazines. The noise increases itself with every second, I put the gun in front of me and pray, “please, it’s not a human, not a human…” and … a rabbit pops out in front of my face. We both had a heart attack. Then the little “monster” sprints away, and I lie still on the ground for few seconds. It takes half an hour to get to the bottom of the forest. I crass to the nearest conifer and lie on the bag under it. Two hours stolen from me just because a lonely haunter didn’t notice me when shooting his game, ok let’s check the map, compass and quick calculation of distance which I have crawled shows me that I still have 45 kilometers to the nearest town; I start right away. I need to reach the town before night.

***

The forest, a kingdom of furry tails. From century to century, people tell each other stories about this magnificent place, some of those stories present a forest as elfin lands: the place where magic is floating in the air; the place where the wizards live; the place of fairytales (fairyism), but others stories represent the forest as a place of horror, terror and fear, where demonic hands try to reach you, goblins hide under every cobble and the showdown –figure of a slendeman walks between the trees.