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MARTINI: SHAKEN, NOT HASTUR ’r&r^0^e . ®-v<. - A ¿%£'***»-*u?Z* ^rbp'V'' Serves 1, but invoke it not thrice—at pen'/ of your very consciousness What Must Be Offered Wasabi sauce from the Men of Kikko 4 ounces soul-shatteringly cold Reyka vodka 4 ounces dried voormis dry vermouth One Spanish olive Summoning the Unspeakable Martini Prepare a large glass: bless it with the touch of a thin tendril of wasabi. Do not completely encircle the rim, as this will allow revelers to imbibe as much or as little of the garnish as they wish. Chill the glass. Under chill Aldebaran, by the shore of the Lake of Hali (ideally), combine the two spirits. The vessel must be strong enough to contain the inevitable clash between the two. Shake violently, and strain. Once the conflict subsides, pour the conjoined spirits into the large, chilled, and prepared glass of the traditional geometry. After pouring carefully to avoid washing the garnish into the glass, add a small Spanish olive without pimento for the look of mindless cosmic horror, or with pimento if you prefer the abyss staring back.
NOG-SOTHOTH: THE LIQUOR AT THE PUNCH BOWL Serves as the Gate and the Key for 7 mortal beings of fortitude Spell Components 4 egg yolks + 4 egg whites separated Vs cup + 1 tablespoon sugar 1 pint whole milk 1 cup heavy cream 1 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg 4 to 8 ounces The Kraken Black Spiced Rum (depending on how much family is visiting) 1 cup black bubble tea boba tapioca pearls Vi cup light Karo or sugar syrup Ritual of Manifestation Froth the yolks in a large bowl with a suitable turbulence inducer and unhurriedly add Vs cup sugar, mix until completely dissolved. Set this abomination aside. In a ‘saucepan,’ swirl together a vortex of milk, cream, and the nutmeg— stir as it begins to bubble. Now remove it from heat and combine with the yolk mixture previously set aside. Bring this new admixture to 160 degrees F, then remove it from the heat. Let stir the Kraken at this point, stir in, and allow to chill for one hour. Heed well these instructions, for the next steps create unnatural states! Beat the white remainder of the four eggs to soft peaks with the turbulence inducer. With the device still oscillating, add the tablespoon of sugar. Will stiff peaks to form. Whisk now the egg whites into the mixture, and—if you of strong spirit would complete the ritual in full and shatter all previous conceptions of nog —spoon into your goblet the pearls prepared as described below! Adding Sothoth to Your Nog— Preparing the Black Bubble Tea Boba Tapioca Pearls Boil the pearls in water until they break the surface and float. Stir them that they may not adhere. Reduce the heat slightly and cook uncovered for 10 agonizing minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove the saucepan from the heat and let stand for 15 minutes. Drain and rinse the pearls, contain them in a small receptacle, and submerge them in the syrup of Karo before adding to the nog.
HERBERT WEST’S DEANIMATOR This version has all the desired effects! The fresher the subject, the more apparent the efficacy. Warning: Polluted subjects deanimate very quickly at this potency! Makes 1 fast-acting dose (per 150 pounds subject body weight) Reagent Components 2 ounces Santoni’s Limoncello Vi ounce of the spirit of St-Germain 1 dash blue curaçao 2 ounces VDKA 6100 solution Reagent Synthesis Bind together the Santoni’s formula and the St-Germain in an Erlenmeyer flask. Add the slightest dash of the cerulean stabilizer: less than a quarter ounce, or you’ll ruin the effect. It is critical; excess leads to overcompensating with the other ingredients . .. which can have dire consequences. Lastly, dilute with the VDKA 6100 solution. You may decant doses from the flask, but a large syringe used to administer orally is .. . better.
WILBUR WHATELEY’S DUNWICH SANDWICH Serves Those Who Shall Be Eight Fragments 1 (9-pound) pork shoulder butt roast, with the bone in, flayed 1 bottle Samuel Adams Cream Stout 1 cup apple cider vinegar IV2 bottles Bull’s-Eye Original BBQ Ssauce 1 bottle Bull’s-Eye Hickory Smoked BBQ Sauce V3 cup brown sugar Garlic powder, onion salt, ground cayenne pepper, and paprika to taste 8 slices Boston Brown Bread Bread-and-butter pickles The Open-Faced Way Grandfather’s notes say to place the flesh offering, bathed in the famous brewman’s stout and the cider gone to vinegar, in a slow cooker. Then anoint the offering with the original preparation of the Ichor of Bhar-behek qu, sparing the half-part, making certain to engulf the sacrifice completely. For one half day shall the flame bank low beneath the vessel. When the flesh falls from the bone under the power of Them Who Approach, shall yew know yew have triumphed! Summon forth all o’ the bones—they foretell the fate o’ Man when opens the Way! Remove the meat to a wooden slab, and rend it into shreds with great vigor. Remove the bones: all that is not meat must be separated and purged. Drain the liquid from the vessel, saving two-thirds of a cup. The rest is not needed. Put the saved portion into a ceremonial bowl. Inter the content o’ this bowl shall ye coalesce the sweetest darkness, the saltes, fiery spices, the baneroot, an’ both the remainder of first, an’ all o’ the alternate prep’rashun of Bhar-behek’qu’s Ichor. When that’s be done, put all o’ it an’ the flesh back into the great vessel. Upon the warm’d flesh, discharge this elixir an’ allow it to be absorb’d by the hungering mass awaitin’. Bank low the flame to maintain its readiness. Ef’n ye want, ye can drain some off ta be held aside fer daubin’ what’ll burst out when the formula be done. Apportion for The Eight a generous measure of this—upon the russet slabs. The yellow-emerald eyes of the One Who Waits Between shall adorn and attend directly upon the measures. For this knowledge I have passed. Ia! Sog-Meat’broth! Ia! I am more perplexed now than when I began my Investigation. It Is almost as If the recipes are written by different Individuals, but I cannot find any variation In the handwriting. Perhaps they were complied and transcribed by one person?
THE MUESLI OF ERICH ZANN Serves an ensemble of four who seek to keep the hungering dawn at Notes IV3 cups Haferflocken | avoine roulante | rolled oats 1 cup Kokosmilch | lait de coco | milk (whole, coconut, or almond) 4 Großmutter Schmied Apfel | pomme Grany | Granny Smith apples IV3 cups Naturjoghurt | yogourt insipide | vanilla or plain 4% fat yogurt V4 cup gehobelte Mandeln | amandes en tranches | sliced almonds Vi cup getrocknete Erdbeeren | fraises pas humides | dried strawberries Vi cup getrocknete Blaubeeren | myrtilles pas humides | dried blueberries Vx cup Sonnenblumenkerne | graines de fleur du soleil | sunflower seeds 4 teaspoons Honig | miel | honey Pandemonium At first, I thought the old man simply eccentric, and perhaps a bit senile. I would pass him in the kitchen, always in the mornings, and sometimes find he had left his oats to soak what seemed overlong, nearly 10 minutes. Once I reached for the bowl to tip some of the milk out and save him ruining them—but he surprised me then, his bony fingers flying for the bowl to stay me. The look of anger and fear that crossed his visage I can neither explain, nor forget. He was mute, and so he waved at me scrawled notes in egregious French, clumsily translated from his German. I could not tell if the apples were to be half shredded, for some reason unfathomable, or if half the apples should be treated thus. Grudgingly he showed me when I imposed. Two of the apples he grated very coarsely, adding them to the oats. The other two he sliced to slivers, his knife flying like the bow of some mad violinist. When I thought the slivers could be no thinner or more numerous, with a series of savage chops, he halved them. Much of this went into the oats as well. Glancing furtively at the cupboard, he reached for the yogurt. When I made to try the latch to see if there was something within that he needed—he flew at me again, pulling me frantically back toward the old kitchen chairs. He made me sit, and I watched him in fascination as he poured his previous work into the thick yogurt, sprinkling slices of almond, curiously lifeless berries of various kind, and seeds. Covering the bowl as I wished to cover my ears, he shook this with a ferocious cacophony I cannot describe, or banish from my memory. When the fit that had seized him passed, he opened the great bowl. With a mad zeal he drizzled honey upon what was there, and subsiding, artfully placed the remainder of the sliced almonds and slivered apples. Skirting the cupboard warily, he set this to chill for the next morning, and retired. At dawn, I arose; and not hearing him bustling about—I went to the shabby kitchen in that forgotten house. The cupboard stood open; and of the man and his notes all that remained—was the muesli of Erich Zann.
TO SUMMON NYARLATHOTAPIOCA Serves the Outer Gods, but. .. should sate 4 adult morsels mortals. To Be Sacrificed That He May Come Forth 3 cups whole milk Vi cup chronally accelerated tapioca beads Vi cup white sugar Vi teaspoon salt 2 eggs, beaten severely Extract from vanilla one half teaspoon of its essence, make it pray you don’t need more Vi cup pomegranate seeds XA cup blackberry jam One dozen flayed red grapes Invocation of the Thousand-Formed One In the vessel of the Satyr-god, heat the milk of the bovine, the beads of Ta’pio-kha, and all of the Hoary Crystals of Disparate Nature. Patiently boil this, and scald not the forming chaos. Bring the flame low, and stir until one-twelfth hour has passed. Whisk the goblet of hot milk mixture into the beaten fowl spawn, slowly (so slowly .. .). When all is blasphemously conjugated, bring the result an ironically gentle simmer over medium-low heat; and stir just a while longer. Patience is our watchword. When the chaos can thickly crawl the back of the Shining Implement of Concavity, quench the flame. Introduce now the extract and the blood-red seeds. Fold in the black-purple jam into the Chaos. It is a good sign when a ribbon forms in the formless, but it is not needful if such does not appear. Place in a pleasing way the skinless grapes. Let them be subsumed. The Thousand-Formed One may be served hot if the time is short or the need is great. With cold patience of hours, so may It also be served. You will know the way by the Whispers in Darkness, if thou knowest how to listen.
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